What is a good subject for satire? M. Quad (pen name for Charles B. Lewis) found one you will enjoy.

M. Quad's Satire on
Foreign Charity

There were a score or more of women gathered together at Mr. Johnson’s house. Mr. Johnson is a good-hearted man and a respectable citizen, though he is rather skeptical in some things. The women had just organized “The Foreign Benevolent Society,” when Mr. Johnson entered the room. He was at once appealed to to donate a few dollars as a foundation to work on, and then Mrs. Graham added:

“It would be so pleasant in after-years for you to remember that you gave this society its first dollar and its first kind word.”

He slowly opened his wallet, drew out a ten-dollar bill, and as the ladies smacked their lips and clapped their hands, he asked:

“Is this society organized to aid the poor of foreign countries?”

“Yes---yes---yes!” they chorused.

“And it wants money?”

“Yes---yes.”

“Well, now,” said Johnson, as he folded the bill in a tempting shape, “there are twenty married women here. If there are fifteen of you who can make oath that you have combed the children’s hair this morning, washed the dishes, blackened the cook-stove, and made the beds, I’ll donate ten dollars.”

“I have,” answered two of the crowd, and the rest said:

“Why, now, Mr. Johnson!”

“If fifteen of you can make oath that your husbands are not wearing socks with holes in the heels the money is yours,” continued the wretch.

“Just hear him!” they exclaimed, each one looking at the other.

“If ten of you have boys without holes in the knees of their pants, this tenner goes to the society,” said Johnson.

“Such a man!” they whispered.

“If there are five pairs of stockings in this room that do not need darning, I’ll hand over the money,” he went on.

“Mr. Johnson,” said Mrs. Graham, with great dignity, “the rules of this society declare that no money shall be contributed except by members, and as you are not a member, I beg that you will withdraw and let us proceed with the routine business.”

Mr. Johnson withdrew.

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