Witty funny sayings and humorous birthday sayings (not especially considerate of centenarians) were included in Josh Billing’s observations---along with jabs, thrusts and (gasp!) niceties.
25 Quotes from Josh Billings 1818-1885
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Flattery is like cologne water; to be smelt, not swallowed.
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.